


I'm Here

by jumble_of_fandoms



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bad Dreams, Comfort/Angst, Late to the game but here I am, M/M, Nightmares, Post Infinity War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-18 12:19:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14852624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jumble_of_fandoms/pseuds/jumble_of_fandoms
Summary: Normally, Bucky is the one having the nightmares. Normally, Bucky is the one who wakes up, shaking and screaming, haunted by his past. After the war though? Bucky no longer wakes up first.





	I'm Here

Most nights, it’s a gamble as to who wakes first, screaming into the dark room. Maybe not even that, but the first to sit straight up, breaths coming quick and uneven. Sweat pouring down their face until the other is woken as well. They spend the first few moments quieting the screams and returning breathing to normal rates, before both finally lay back down. They stare at each other, or the ceiling, or out the window, until they fall back asleep, or the sunrises on them once more.

Before the war, before the great battle for the stones, Bucky was normally the first to wake up. Every now and then, Steve would beat him, but it was usually Bucky. Dreams of the War, of the deeds he had been forced to do, people who had died by his hands.... It all returned to haunt him in his dreams every night without fail.

Steve would always wake up moments later though, sometimes dodging punches, but he would just wrap Bucky in his arms and holds him. Steve would wait, letting Bucky get it all out, until Bucky came back to him and stares into Steve’s eyes, letting the present come back to him. This was their routine, and they were used to it. That was, it  _was_  their routine before the war for damned stones...

Bucky jolts awake to the sound of Steve yelling. He reaches for the knife under his pillow on instinct, but a moment later, he’s wrapping Steve in his arms. Steve jumps at first, startled by Bucky’s touch, but he is soon shaking instead, and Bucky once again wishes Steve had just thrown a punch.

“I’m here,” Bucky mumles, his voice low in the quiet room. He gently presses his lips to the back of Steve’s neck. “I’m here, Steve, I promise.”

He continues his mantra, even when Steve’s shakes turn to great heaving sobs, knowing Steve will eventually come back to him. Some nights, this happens pretty quickly, and they manage to squeeze in a couple more hours of sleep. Others...

“You were gone, Buck,” Steve says between sobs, and Bucky feels himself sigh a bit. It’s going to be a long night... “I watched... you were just.... gone...”

“I know, Steve, I know...” Bucky places more kisses against Steve’s neck, hoping it’s giving the man something to focus on. “I’m here though, I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.”

Steve rarely ever talks about that day. About that moment, when the universe stopped for what felt like a lifetime. The chaos came later, but those first few moments...Buck has been told that everything got really quiet. As if the whole of the universe was in shock and just didn’t know how to keep going while it was ripped in half.

The Avengers - what as left of them - had all bunkered down as the shock took it’s toll. Thor had already explained the effects everything had on Steve to him, but Bucky had honestly tried to forget about it immediately afterwards. The stories had only added to his nightmare fuel, and Bucky’s mind found new ways to torture him.

“You just...disintegrated...” Steve is still mumbling. His sobs have finally died down, but they are only replaced with the shakes again. Bucky feels his arms tighten slightly around the broken man as he tried to ignore the shaking. He’d rather deal with crying... “Pieces... you were in...”

“I’m here, Steve.” Bucky is on repeat, but there isn’t much else he can say. Steve won’t look at him yet, not until he’s sure, but he won’t be sure unless he looks. It’s the never ending horror game Bucky feels trapped in, but he does what he can.

The shakes slowly subside and Bucky feels some of the tightness in his chest start to go away. “I’m sorry, Bucky...” Steve whispers and Bucky braces for the guilt that’s coming. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you, couldn’t prevent any of this from happening...”

Bucky sighs before finally turning Steve so he can hold him close to his chest. Steve still won’t look at him, but in this position, he at least wraps his own arms around Bucky and buries his face in the crook of Bucky’s neck. “We all did everything we could. Did everything we could to stop this from happening.” Bucky’s metal hand splays against Steve’s back while his other hand carefully tangles itself in the long locks at the base of Steve’s neck.

Bucky had heard the story over and over. Of all the people that had been lost after one tiny little finger snap. Had heard how hard it was to find out who all was still left. How when Stark finally returned, he told Steve everything that had happened on Thanos’s home world. He also told Steve the rest of the plan that had been put into motion.

After all the tellings and retellings, Bucky is still hazy on what happened afterwards, but he knows for sure that he remembers running for Steve, then nothing.... Then suddenly waking up in that forest in Wakanda with Panther, Wanda, and Sam all within feet of him. After collecting themselves, they all made their way back to the palace, and were immediately bombarded with questions and stares and Shuri....

“Steve, I promise you, I’m here. I’m real,” Bucky murmurs again to Steve. His fingers play with Steve’s hair, hoping to ground the man somehow. “I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. We won, it’s over.”

Steve takes a few deep, shuddering breaths, before he starts to pull away from Bucky. Not far enough to leave Bucky’s arms, but just enough to look up at Bucky. Well, almost. His eyes are downcast, looking off the edge of the bed, not even willing to look at the space between them. Bucky knows. He knows what’s repeating in Steve’s head, the never ending loop that he’s stuck in. Steve’s terrified of looking up, Bucky knows, because he’s terrified his loop will become reality once more.

Bucky places his hand under Steve’s chin, gently guiding his face towards his own. Steve still won’t look at him though. “Please, Steve. Trust me,” Bucky whispers. He leans towards Steve, tears clouding his vision because seeing someone he cares so much about as broken as himself now... He closes his eyes as he gently presses his lips against Steve’s.

The action makes Steve jump slightly, but he soon presses his own lips against Bucky’s. Bucky can feel him relax slightly when Bucky doesn’t disappear and after a few heartbeats, Steve releases Bucky’s lips. Their foreheads touch and one of Steve’s hands slowly raises, fingers splaying against Bucky’s cheek.

“Buck...” he breaths out and Bucky can’t help but nuzzle his nose against the other man’s.

“I’m here, Steve,” Bucky whispers and he can feel Steve pull back slowly again. Bucky can feel himself holding his breath as he slowly waits.

Steve takes a deep breath, and as he releases it, blue eyes finally stare into Bucky’s and Bucky can feel himself breath again. Both of his hands cup either side of Steve’s face, holding the broken man tenderly, wanting Steve to be rooted as much as possible.

“I’m here,” Bucky once more breaths out and he only watches as Steve’s face relaxes even more.

“You’re here...” Steve leans forward until their foreheads are once again touching and Bucky knows that tonight, everything is going to be ok.

Tonight, they are both here.


End file.
